First attempt at heart exposure

My son is with his dad for the weekend. It took me a long time to get used to these weekends "off," but I have come to not only get used to them, but to cherish the time alone. Say what you will to that, but it's true. Anyway, one of my favorite things to do, that I don't get to do often since said child was born, is blast show tunes and put on a one-woman show. Quirky, and maybe TMI for some, but it's true. I LOVE it. So, because today I don't have Caleb, I put "Rent" on and did my thing, if you will. (Some have been lucky enough to see "my thing" be done. Audiences are always welcome.) I have a valid point, I promise. "Rent" is my favorite musical for many, many reasons, but one reason is the poetry of the music. Somehow, no matter what is going on in my life, every time I hear "Rent's" music, something sticks out that is so relevant to my life that it rocks me to the core. Every time. I figured I would share here what hit me today:

"How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out 'til you're torn apart."

I know. Grim. But that is kinda where I am at. And I have no idea what I am going to do about it. It's not so much that I have regrets; however, I do have a past that I know has shaped me, even for the better, but has hurt me. How do you just leave it behind? Or do you not? I have no idea. I'm not depressed about it. More so, annoyed about it. I was going to end this post there, but then there would be no conclusion and that would irritate me, but I have nothing else to add. So. Thoughts???

Side bar: If you are lucky enough to live where I do.... The beach was BEAUTIFUL today. I also have a new found love of going down to the beach, alone, with nothing but a chair and a book. Truly. Life is good.