Sometimes I really hate the fact that I am divorced. Yes, I am lonely (there, I said it), but that's not why I am hating the single-mom thing right now. I hate that Caleb doesn't have a sibling. And who knows when, or IF, he ever will.

I went to to dinner tonight with a friend I haven't seen in years, his wife, and their two girls (4 and 5,) who are just adorable. One said to the other, "Hey! When we get home, do you want to play with ::enter something I never heard of and can't remember::" "Yeah!"

There was something about that dialogue that, at first, just made me smile and remember the good ol' days of my sister and me. Then I looked at Caleb. He was sitting there. Alone. Doing his own thing. Perfectly happy. But alone. It's hard to explain what exactly came over me in that moment, but I felt incredibly sorry for him. I felt like I failed him. And that feeling is sticking around tonight.

I feel so inadequate. So utterly inadequate. I can't give him a sibling. His father and I are great friends, but couldn't stay husband and wife (talk about the cruelest of irony). We failed at our marriage and because of that.... Well, here I am. I do all that I can to let him know that he is loved and safe and LOVED, but something will hit me out of nowhere and I will feel like it's just not enough.